Wednesday, July 23rd, 2003
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10:27 pm
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i guess i'm just hoping for a miracle
honestly i dont want it to happen
i wouldnt wanna take that kind of opportunity away
i wouldnt want to be the reason for regrets
i'm just afraid..and i'm just clinging on for life
sighs.
life just isnt fair =(
everytime something good happens
it gets taken away just as quickly as it was given
i pray you dont break my heart =(
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Sunday, May 11th, 2003
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3:50 am - awesome dawsome. =)
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ultimate fakebook is on repeat for the rest of the week. that was the sweetest thing ever. *smileees* yer wonderful sandwich. thanks for the best night ever. u made prom ever so spectacular. =)
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, May 3rd, 2003
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12:23 am
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i just want to break down and cry. everything just hurts so much. my brain can't stop thinking about it. and my hearts completely helpless. nothing seems to be going right. its just all going in a downwards spiral motion. what am i supposed to do. sit here quietly while my heart breaks? theres no point to life as of this point. i just want to die. someone kill me.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Monday, April 7th, 2003
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9:42 am - strongbad is sexy
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Wednesday, April 2nd, 2003
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8:26 am - boredom will prevail ._.
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i havent updated in the longest time. dija miss me? :)
i`m at school right now. beaner class x)
fun thot of the day: kayas a dork. teehEe!
i got new pants yesterday. whoOp whoOp
i feel so fattt in them. i want skinnier thighs! not fairr
i wish i had a whole wardrobe of abercrombie.
MAN that would ROCK. i swear to goodness. hahaha
wcimuns in less than 3 days and i havent even researched yet.
i am soo screwed. -_- today and tomorrow are going to be HELL.
especially tomorrow. school. swim practice. ap euro review. TUTOR.
i dont get home until 1o o clockers. sniffle sniffle.
CRY ME A RiVERRR. ooo CRY ME A RiVERRR. ooo CRY ME A RiVERRR.
.. yeah i`m gay. SO SUE ME! hehehe =)
anyway, life's been pretty funky. yet theres always a dull moment to spare. =P
i NEED some ENTERTAiNMENT. criEs =(
..i didnt even get to finish my breakfast this morning ._.
current mood:  hungry
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Saturday, January 18th, 2003
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6:20 pm
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the perfect guy
1. knows how to make you smile when you are down
2. is cute when he really wants somethinq
3. dances with you, even if he feels like a major dork
4. never runs out of l o v e
5. is super patient when you take FOREVER to qet ready
6. reacts so cutely when you hit him + it actually hurts
7. stares at you
8. plans a ROMANTIC date full of cheesy thinqs, he knows it means alot to you
9. drives 4 hours just to see you fer 1
1o.looks at you everyday like he`s seeing you fer the very first time
hahah as soon i started reading dis, i thot of my hunnie! my hunnie has got to be the besterest bf in the whole wide world. i still remember him dancing with me on 9.13 fer the first time. i remember the first time he put his arms around my waist..our first kiss under the willow tree. *cries* i miss u baby! i love u x)
current mood:  giddy
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, January 14th, 2003
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3:54 pm
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Monday, December 16th, 2002
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3:04 pm - miss u
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man. i havent written in my journals in so long. sighs. so much to catch up on. so little time. hehe =))
lets just talk about today den. x)
it started raining during 5th and we all got wet. --" during lunch timLEE and jeff kept stepping on my toes so i couldnt move. and timLEE was grabbing me by the wrists and made them all red. :[
good thing his cousin walked by and he let go :D
i went christmas shopping yesterday! i spent like $2o0 fer u mofos. hahah i didnt even get cathy anything yet. well actually i kinda did. but thats only part of the present. i`m so excited. i hope i have time to get it done by friday. i wanna show EVERYONE! hahaha x) i hafta get my babys projekt done by den too. i guess i can do it on saturday too. x)
i`m so excited! my siamesey and my hunnie are coming to visit me on friday!! mr recinos is gunna hide dem in his room. x) its gunna be pouring on friday too. so the outfit i picked out fer cathy prollie wont do. :[ now i`ll hafta find something else to accomadate her prettyniss` ROAR! haha =))
i dont like rainy days nemore. deyr no fun! no fun at all! roar!
sigh.. so many tests dis week. i didnt even realize until today. thursday i have a chem and spanish test. friday i have a poem projekt due, a euro test, and a math test. oh woe is me! woe is me! haHhah x)
its okay. i`m doing our spanish class christmas party an we`re having a christmas party in english on friday. two parties in one day! and i get to see the two besterest people in the world! how awesome is dat!
oOoh yahs. my daddie came home yesterday. i havent seen him in so long! hes gunna stay a few weeks dis time. so dats cool =))
mMkay. dats all i hafta say fer now luv. muahs* i`m outs.
days until birfday: 7
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, December 7th, 2002
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12:28 pm
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forgiving is powerful.
it's not forgetting, but it's knowing that forgetting will come one day.
it's having faith that everything will be alright.
it's feeling the pain lessen by the day.
it's having an unshakable peace.
it's loving.
current mood:  tired
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, December 1st, 2002
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10:11 pm
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OH. MY. GOD. this has been THE BESTEST WEEKEND EVER!! AHHHH!!
CATHY my BESTEREST SiAMESEY came over at 3 and we explored my house kus SHE HASN`T BEEN HERE iN LiKE A YEAR! then kus we`re such lame-o`s, we had to finish some homework an den! we had the great idea of going to the malL and shopping!! heheheh! an then we decided to watch a movie toO! and say hi to andy while we were there! hahaha BUT BEFORE WE LEFT! *dun dun dun*
WE TOOK LOTS AND LOTS OF PiCTURES! ..as u can see..i`m FASCiNATED with pictures. x)
pictures are worth a THOUSAND words! and they capture MEMORiES!
and i haven`t seen my best friend and my hubby in AGES!!! ahhhhh!!!!
i AM SO FREAKiN HAPPiE!!
so i asked my moomers to take us to the mall to watch HARRY POTTER! it was the most awesomest movie in the whole wide world! hahaha an during the movie, cathy realized that this was the FiRST movie that we ever watched together! just by ourselves! hahaHhaha xD
we went to gameworks and we played the car racing games! it was soo fun! we vowed to play EVERY TiME we go to the mall from now on! hardy har har!
we had an hour to spare before the movie, so we went to the food court to grab a bite to eat. *YUM YUm* she had a hawaiian pizza an i had GREAT STEAK. it was sOoo yummie. but VERY VERY EXPENSiVE. hahahHa x) an then after we ate, we went to go say HELLOOO to andy. hehehe sillY cathy. x) hahahH
it was great..we reminisced over all these old memories..*sniff sniff* i MiSS HER AN MY BBY SOO MUCH. *cries* it was great doode. it really was.
we`re gonna go christmas shopping together! whoOpee doO! hehehhe =) we`re gunna go to brea this year. an this time, i`M NOT GUNNA WEAR PLATFORMS. hahah OH MAN.
i MiSS U GUYS LiKE MAD CRAZY. i LOVE U WiT ALL MY HEART. MUAHS*
current mood:  ecstatic
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, November 30th, 2002
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10:18 pm
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hehehe today was so awesome. x) my hunnie, dennis, an chris came over to my house!
i asked my sweetie to marry me last night. hes my hubby now.
just waiting fer the honeymoon now. its gunna be great. *rawr*
...hahaha x)
i like calling him my hubby. it makes me happy.
speaking of things that make me happy, we took up a whole roll of film in 15 minutes.
hahHa i don`t think i`ve ever taken that many pictures in such a short period of time!
dennis took pictures of me an my baby and i took a billion random pictures of dennis an andrew!
hehehe i was ecstatic! muwahaha x)
HAHAHA gotta lookit this
--Auto response from Iba b ie xlove I: jaykee dont u hab better dings to do den chek my away msg? hahaha JK x) brb
HAHAHA oh MAN oh man oh man..that is just TOO AWESOME. hARDY HAR HAR xD
my day is complete. sighs i`m happie. heheh
current mood:  bouncy
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(comment on this)
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Friday, November 29th, 2002
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11:00 am
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hrmm. yesterday was a good day. x)
i din`t wake up until 2 so i got a fuLl 12 hours of sleep. teehee. then jassymin came over and chilled fer 2 hours. den her mommie had to pick her up. but it was awesome. she hasn`t come over in like 3 years. we just sat around eating bugles and munchies. slurp* haha an i showed the vunDerful bloopers! haHaha she kept calling me computer literate. o_O after she left, i called up my hunnie bunches of oats and talked until he had to go. i`m so mean to him now. muwahaHAha x) jk. i really do feel bad. i dun treat him as nice as i used to. i`m all bitchy if i`m not happy. thats not good. i need to be nicer to my baby. /)_(\ i love u hunnie :)
i went downstairs and watched scooby doo the movie with my mommie. it was so cute! teeheehee. i liked it muchies. we kept watching movies untiL it was time to eat. our meal was so asian-y. everything was chinese dishes except the turkey! hahah x)
then my mommie told all of us to pray instead of her just praying. so my mommie went first, den my big bro, den abro, then me! i was nervous about praying with my family kus its not something we normally do. it felt all weird but yeah. that went away quickly. praying should come from the heart. and so wen it got to be my turn, i just lifted up to God everything. i gave thanks that i had my family to rely on and i asked Him to bless my brothers and mommie and daddie. wen i finished, everyone was like, wow that was a good prayer jackie! and my bros hugged me and everything. an then abro said that my prayer moved him. hehe that made me happy. i`m really happy with the way my family is now. i think i`m really making progress. things have been really good ever since i heard sharons sermon. her sermon moved me to be a better person. i`m trying really hard to be a good daughter :)
then after dinner we went to watch some more movies. my brother was teaching me how to pop. my shoulders were hurting like crazy afterwards. hahaHa
`u know the difference between u an me?`
`i make this look good. x)`
hahah jk doode. =P i make it look funny. heheh it`s all tense and un-smooth. abro said its okay tho. he said wen he started, he was a lot worse than me. an look at him now! mr awesome popper. =)
i`ve been wondering how i should deal with a certain..`problem`. its not really a problem but its like i`ve never dealt with this kind of thing before. theres a certain person who tends to flirt with my baby. i don`t think she knows shes flirting so i don`t wanna say nething. shes a really close friend of mine too which is why this is bothering me. otherwise, i`d just shrug it off i guess. danish said that it shouldn`t bother me kus theres nothing to be worried about. its just innocent flirting. is there even such a thing? innocent flirting? manG. i derno. i guess i`ll just leave it alone fer now. =)
current mood:  happy
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, November 28th, 2002
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1:08 am
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o.my.gudness. it took me 3 hours but i did it. i sure did! i gave me an cathys old page a complete makeover. i ended up starting from scratch. ahHhh. it was driving me insane! but i did iT! an i am finally dOnE!! hahahH if u guys wanna check it out its http://www.geocities.com/weluvourb8biez/siamesyzpage.html.
woOp woop! today has been a good day. haha i don`t wanna jinx my luck but i think i did good on the euro test! euro stinks like big rotten poop! then in recinos, everyone really liked our video! they were all goin awww` and oOoh` at all the right spots! our sequel is gonna be great i tell u. hahHa can`t wait. danieL, ericW, an mark were SO awesome in helping us. i cannot even begin to describe how much we owe them fer this projeKt! eric dressed up like a girl. danieL had to memorize spanish lines! and mark spent hours ediTing our stupid vid that only ended up being five minutes long. hahah but yeah! it was alL good. recinos showed it to like every period after us. x) it woulda been even better if we had our bloopers in dere too. but no time! sniff* den everyone coulda seen how retarded we were behinD the scenes. teEheEehEe. well..everyone already knows how retarded we are though. so i guess it doesn`t really make a difference. x)
NO MORE SCHOOL! i am so happy. whEeeeee. listening to brian mcknight.
always seems like reality..
forever doesn`t seem so far away.
all i wanna do, all i wanna feel,
all i wanna be is close to u..
everyday is my lucky day.
all i want to do is love u..
yer more than wonderfuL, more than amazing.
yer irreplaceable, the love of my life.
yer so incredible here in these arms of mine.
yer the irreplaceable love of my life..
baby..u know yer my one and only.
all i want to do is be together.
sugah u know i`d never leave u lonely..
in yer eyes i see forever..
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(comment on this)
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Monday, November 25th, 2002
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1:37 am
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i learned a lot today. i`d tell u except. its 1.3o in the morning and my brain isn`t exactly working. i really wanted to tell u too. dammit. ._>
the sermon was really good today. sharon was the speaker. she always has really good sermons. =)
during worship i couldn`t concentrate on praising. hahas i kept smiling kus i kept thinking about yesterday and all these other memories. i was thinking about me and daniel on the tree and me scared to get off. then there was the hospitale scene where kaya wouldn`t stop filming and caught on tape me burping a really manly burp. x) then i started thinking about me and cathy and all the times shes been there fer me. like in the beginning of the year wen i`d call her up at 12 in the morning crying kus i missed her. crying kus i needed her. crying kus i needed andrew. then i was smiling kus i was thinking of my hunnie. how i used to make him buy candy fer me in the student store after school. and how he used to walk me everywhere. waiting fer me afterschool until my mommy got there to pick me up. sighs. life is neat isn`t it? :]
live life like you`ve never lived it before. Jesus died on the cross fer us. He gave us grace. shouldn`t we cherish life and live it well? after all, what`s the point of being sad and depressed all the time?
muahs* time to go sleepy bye bye. sweet dreams luv. one luv alwaise*
missing u like crazy baby. yer always on my mind, always in my dreams, i love u hun.
current mood:  content
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(comment on this)
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Monday, November 18th, 2002
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6:40 pm
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as lovers sit beside each other eye to eye dey see how meaningful and full of love each other shall always be. love they say is too strong for words and too strong to throw around but nothing feels more like love then listening to their hearts which pound. love is the most incredible feeling one usually describes with sighs you can feel the warmth and respect when you look in to your lovers eyes. if love should ever come within two hearts their souls will colide into one. then life will turn into a wonderful place and seem there is good to be done
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(comment on this)
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3:13 am
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hrmm..i'm tired as helL..studyin fer my damn euro test..cant concentrate nemore on what i'm reading so i think releasing a bit will do me some gooD. i talked to my bby all today. sOo happie. x) i miss him so much. i wish that i could spend every single day in his protective arms. i feel so safe and warm wenever he hugs me and its like i never wanna let go..i just wanna kiss his sweet lips and hold his hands..*sniff sniff* i asked him today if he loved me as much as before and he replied..of course i do x) hehehe ahhhHh i need him here with me! roar! i'm angry. heheh no i'm not. he makes me too happie. ^_^ teEheEhEe. i was reading some chiQ's xanga and it was like her an her boyz xanga together and every entry was basically them saying that they loved each other and how lucky they were to have each other in their lives. i was like dayum. that is just too awesome.
..then it kinda made me think. how come our love isn't like that? hahHa i know its a stupid thing to ask kus every relationship is different. but i guess what i'm saying is how come he doesn't display that kind of affection towards me. i've never really had a guy who would always tell me he loved me and how lucky he was to have me..i always did that. hahha ghettoniss* x) oh welL. dun get me wrong, its not anything bad. its just..its nice to hear swt things sometimes ykno? =)
i love u andrew kim. u make me so happi. i hope that i can make u as happi as u've made me.
..i promised u my love forever. an this promise i'll keep fer the rest of my days. =)
current mood: content
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, November 16th, 2002
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8:49 pm
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Thursday, November 14th, 2002
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7:34 pm
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i know its kinda late..but i guess i'm just kinda slow..
this whole raymond thing just put a whole lot of things in perspective. u never know how long u've got left. u should always just make the best of what u've got. even if u dun think life is worth living, u should happi/grateful that u still have the chance to experience all these great things.
u should live everyday with a smile on yer face..a joyous heart. whats the point of being sad? it doesn't get u anywhere. i'm not saying be fake and crap like that but like..ionno. u should be real but u should be happie. it makes life go by a lot simpler and much more enjoyable..
i don't think that..i cope with death of others very well. my own..its fine..but other people dying..it just seems so surreal. its not something u think can happen to u. its just something u see on tv..actors..its not real..sighs ._>
cathy..i hope that u know i'm always always gonna be here fer u. even tho i'm far away..u will always be my best friend. siameseys connected at the heart baby..things are hard right now but as long as u have yer friends to support u along the way..it helps ease the pain..i'm sorry that i cant be there fer u as much as other ppo can right now..but i really hope u know that i love u like crazy doode.
wen yer down in trouble and u need some and care//
and nothing is going right//
close yer eyes and think of me and soon i will be there//
to brighten up even yer darkest night//
u just call out my name and u know wherever i am//
i'll come running to see u again//
winter spring summer or fall all u have to do is call baby//
u've got a friend//
if the sky above u grows dark and full of clouds//
an that old north wind begins to blow//
keep your head together baby an call my name out loud//
soon u'll hear me knockin at yer door//
u just call out my name and u know wherever i am//
i'll come running to see u again//
winter spring summer or fall all u have to do is call baby//
u've got a friend//
current mood:  calm
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, November 12th, 2002
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3:40 pm
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we never really realize how quickly things can be taken away from us..
i saw this in joyce's blog today..think it'd be good to share..
don't let go. it's all going to be alright, think to the future or past
for happy memories, but don't linger on pain. it's not going to be worth it. take care.
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Monday, November 11th, 2002
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11:35 pm
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i'm happies..=) got to see my baby after being deprived fer over a month. spent the day at dennis' house. yupsh. i couldn't have asked for nething better. i love u andrew so much. so much. i learned today that i can't ever ever take u for granted. things can be taken away from u so quickly. right before yer eyes. i never want that to happen to us. i don't ever want to be without u in my life. even in my dreams, i want to be with u. i learned that i have to cherish every minute i have with u. u are my world. i don't know what i'd do if u weren't here. =( muahs*
siamesey an guh guh..i really hope that u know that i'm here fer both of u. i know that this is really a hard time fer u guh guh but..know that u can lean on yer friends and family fer support. cathy i love u girl..try to keep yer chin up..*muahs an hugs*
sighs. after cathy told me the news today..i couldn't stop crying. i don't think it was exactly bekus he died..but it was the thought of death. i mean, u see these things on tv and u think that it'll never happen to u or ppo u know..but then it just smacks u in the head and its like wake up and smell the coffee. i kept thinking what if i lost cathy one day? what if i saw it right before my eyes? i can't even imagine that kind of pain..i don't know what the hell i'd do if..man..ionno..this just all seems so unreal..i really hope that guh guh will be okay..please God..just watch over him..please..he really needs u right now..
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jacquelyne's journal
